Hey, universe? It's me, Susan.

Dearest Universe,

I understand the amusement of making my life feel like a sitcom reality show (which I'd probably watch), but it isn't so awesome to do all these things to me one right after the other....You see, humor is much more appreciated by the person's life you're messing with for fun if it is spaced out. That'd be awesome to the max.

Love, Susan